Why Worry

Somehow the topic of "Worry" was brought up in a conversation today... and I think that it is something I need to take time to reflect on.

I have never viewed myself as much of a worrier, but these days I think I spend a lot of time doing it.

When I came to college, I decided to room with a random roommate, and I often got a lot of questions from others... Why would you want to room with someone you don't know? What are you going to do if this happens...if that happens...? I really hated hearing these kinds of questions. I felt like the other people were worrying more for me than I was for myself. I would just respond saying, "I'm not going to spend my time worrying about different scenarios that I do not even know are going to happen. I'm just going to wait, see what happens, and deal with it when it gets here." I feel like I had a GREAT attitude towards worrying.

So now 1/3 of the way through my last semester, and I feel worry everyday... about my future. I'm not really worried that something bad will happen, more concerned about which path to take when I have all my opportunities laid out on the table (Grad School or Peace Corps).

If I go into Grad School- Where will I go? What will the environment be like? What kind of friends will I make? How will my relationships change? Will I like the program and still want to do school counseling? After getting my degree will I be prepared to do the best job possible (will I have enough experience to fule my passion in my career)?

If I go into Peace Corps- How will I handle being away from family in friends? How will my relationships change? How will my thinking and passions in life change after the Peace Corps? Will I still want to go to Grad School? Will I still want to be a school counselor, or will my whole career plan change? Will I lose other opportunities by leaving this life for 27 months?

I feel like choosing Peace Corps is definitely the harder option, but I know it will be most rewarding. Am I ready to make a decision like this?

I came across a quote today that really got me thinking:
"Three things you don't recover: words said, time gone, and opportunities."

I wonder if all of these questions and worry stem from the way I prefer to live... I seek comfort in knowing where my life is going. I like plans and structure. Or do I worry and think of all these because my heart is being pulled in different directions; because it is scared of missing and losing the relationships that I have invested in for so many years. Sometimes it is hard to be confident in knowing the people I care about the most will still be there for me down the road. I know I need to realize if they matter that much and are meant to be there, then they will be.

This blog may come across as me freaking out (at least that is how it feels), but it feels REALLY good to get my thoughts and emotions out there. I kind of feel some of the weight of worry lifted off my shoulders, because I have released it.

I just wish I could have the same attitude as I did when I decided to room with a random roommate. I will I had the mindset:"I'm not going to spend my time worrying about different scenarios that I do not even know are going to happen. I'm just going to wait, see what happens, and deal with it when it gets here."

I guess it is a little different because my options have a lot more to them... two totally different paths of life.

Tomorrow brings a new day, and hopefully some new thoughts.
Thank you for reading...